Trouble's Coming...

It's been two years and two months since I have updated this blog or played poker in the SPO. That's about to change. The Queen is making her return to the Seattle Poker Open on Tuesday, January 8, 2013.

It's about damn time.

In the last two years, I have become an adult. Which is frightening.

I went back to school, and finally graduated with an Associate's Degree in June 2012. I was accepted to the University of Washington the same month, and after my first quarter there, I have a cumulative GPA of 3.93 (no joke.)

But not all is heavenly in the kingdom. Smith, my boyfriend of almost 4 years, broke up with me three months ago. I have dealt with family hardships and difficulties, and death, and depression, and my heartbreak has been so severe I'm honestly surprised I have survived.

I don't remember much of the last few months. I certainly remember the tears, and the pain. I will never forget how a group of my "friends" has chosen not to stand by me, but have watched me suffer. Well, it's way more complicated than that, but to protect the privacy of the guilty I won't go into it. But, I promise if you show up on Tuesday I won't disappoint. As always, I will be the evening's entertainment and the court jester.

I'm also insanely nervous to jump back into the SPO. It's been at LEAST a year since I have played the game of poker. That's a year behind most. I will be coming in looking like the weakest link. It's up to me to prove that is not the case. I am just as deadly and assertive as before. It will take a lot of time and a lot of work, (and a lot of patience with myself) before I am back in the top competitive shape I was once in. I will need to remember that, and I will need to go easy on myself if I don't do as well as I expect myself to do.


I've done a lot of growing and I have cemented who I am and where I want to go in life. I want to go to the top. I am the ultimate competitor. I refuse to let this pain dictate my path in life. The first step to conquering the outside forces is to get back to what I love to do: Play poker and win peoples' chips. Take 'em all. :)

It's occurring to me how fitting my name "Queen of the Muck" really is. Life has dealt me some curveballs and I've had my fair share of sh*t to fight through. (Granted, I'm not alone in this. Everyone suffers setbacks and crap in life.) How fitting that I learn to be Queen of all the muck that's dealt me, in poker and in life? Huh. :)

There's some lyrics I've heard lately that really hit close to home. I'll share them with you here.

"When there's a burning in your heart
An endless yearning in your heart
Build it bigger than the sun
Let it grow, let it grow
When there's a burning in your heart
Don't be alarmed."
-Death Cab for Cutie, "You are a Tourist"

This song really gets to me. For me, I feel like it's saying I need to get back to my passions. What I love. I yearn for poker. I yearn for the feel of the cards under my fingers, the sound of chips clinking together as they're pulled in by eager arms. I miss the felt under my forearms, the rush I get from winning a large pot. I miss it, I need it, I love it.

The following is more about my breakup and the personal struggles I've gone through with family, and discovering that friends will always show their true colors in a crisis. People are never who you think they are, or who you trusted them to be. That's why I trust the cards.

"Now, the world can be an unfair place at times
But your lows will have their complement of highs
And if anyone should cheat you
Take advantage of, or beat you
Raise your head and wear your wounds with pride."
-Yeasayer, "Ambling Alp"




Dust off the throne. The Queen is on her way. *cue applause*